Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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