I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
