chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
