I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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