i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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