love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
being pregnant is like rehab
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
