Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
