White coat. Heels.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
