I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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