Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
