Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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