I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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