'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
