I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
