Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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