so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
