I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
