If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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