I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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