i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
