I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
