Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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