this beer tastes like vomit already
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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