if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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