Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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