bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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