capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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