You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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