none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
