I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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