i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
