i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
