Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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