Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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