I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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