She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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