She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
