just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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