Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
