Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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