he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My Sexting was not on an AP level
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
