Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
