Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
