so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
honey bunches of taint.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
