Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
