The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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