quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
