I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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