I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You're like the curious george of whores
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
