I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
