yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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