4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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